Hey, Ma, I'm on TV!

So I have kind of big news.

Those who know me know I have two dreams in life. One, to be a citizen. And two, to be on reality television.

I am happy to say that come this fall the twain shall meet.

I have a good friend who works at Fox, and have been lobbying the network through her for some months now.

Essentially, I've been pitching a show for some time now, and so far it hasn't worked because of one reason or another. But now, the timing is right, the gaps in the schedule are there, and we have a green light.

So I'm proud to announce that, this summer, I'll be starring in a new show, "Who Wants to Marry an Immigrant," set to debut on Fox this fall.

There have been similar premises in the past, but nothing on this scale. Essentially, the show will be like The Bachelor, except the Bachelor will be foreign. Also, the bachelor will be me.

Legally, this works because it is not technically considered a sham marriage. It'd be a sham marriage if I married the girl on the first day. I will, however, attempt to restrain myself, and stretch this out over a two-month shooting schedule that should render 14 episodes. Because a two-month period is a plausible amount of time for two people to fall in love, legal tells us this should work.

Televisionally, this works because it's a new spin on the tired old dating thing. There's the added pizzazz and romance of a cross-border relationship. There's the whole "clash of cultures" thing that viewers will eat up. (For the record, this isn't going to be a Joe Millionaire kind of thing where I at the end of the show I reveal the deep dark secret of the location of my birth). The producers are salivating over the "The ladies visit Mexico" episodes. And they love the fact that the last Bachelor ended as it did, because, unlike that d-bag, I cannot afford to waffle and my decision must be final.

Yes, it's kind of selling out. I know. The producers have referred me to a voice coach to try to get a little bit of my accent back. I've seen a couple of the promos and they were, well, a little offensive and need some tweaking. Particularly the music in the background. But hey. It's Fox. What did we expect?

Apologies if I haven't told you. I strongly believe in jinxes and didn't want to end up like the guy who tells everyone he's getting married and then she declines the proposal. But now that it's official (the website should be up soon), I can finally terminate radio silence on this.

I'm actually really excited about this. I get to be on TV, and, more importantly, I get to be an American citizen. I'll be filming this summer mostly in New York City, L.A., and various locations in Mexico. The show should air this coming fall. Hopefully y'all will watch and enjoy it.

Oh. And the most important thing. We're looking for bachelorettes. Interested parties can apply directly to casting at whowantstomarryanimmigrant@gmail.com. They will give you further instructions and details, and tell me it involves a questionnaire and a short video for the initial inquiry.

And if anyone can think of good "The Tribe has spoken"-type catchphrases, we're open for suggestions.