This was making the rounds this afternoon.
In case you did not click through, it takes you to a video of Tom Brady, who is "dancing" at the Carnaval in Rio while sporting a rather unfortunate ponytail.
I stared at this in the same way someone would when he comes upon a once proud oak that was just struck by lightning. And then I checked out for a few minutes while the demons inside my head had themselves a debate.
Jack Daniel: It's a ponytail. On a man.
Tom Collins: I see that.
JD: And it's not just any man. It's the most important man in Boston.
TC: That is true.
JD: A ponytail.
TC: It's not that bad.
JD: Are you kidding? It's terrible. Ponytails are for women and old hippies in Portland.
TC: Some men can pull off a ponytail.
JD: Maybe Willie Nelson. But let's be honest here. Brady kind of looks like Mia Hamm with muscles.
TC: Look. He's Tom Brady. He has won three Super Bowls, two MVPs, and gets to [censored] this every night. If the man wants to go with a rat tail, he's earned it.
JD: (Grumble) I guess.
TC: And give him a break. He's happy. He's dancing. He's trying to soak in a little of his wife's culture. We should be praising him, not making fun of his very unfortunate hair do.
JD: But it's a ponytail! Every instinct in my body is telling me to make fun of it.
TC: Tom Brady could beat the living crap out of you without breaking a sweat.
JD: But he looks like a soccer mom on a 6 am run to the grocery store who is hoping that she doesn't run into someone she knows.
TC: I'm warning you.
JD: He looks like Sally Draper!
TC: Ok, fine. I'm forced to draw the trump card.
TC: Again. This.
JD: Touche, sir. Very well played.
TC: And at least it's not pigtails.