It is with deep regret and sadness that I inform the readership of this weblog that, this semester, I will not be growing a finals beard.
(Collective gasp)
I know, I know. I am as disappointed as you are. I am blessed with the ability to grow hair on my face, and this is a privilege I do not take lightly. I am fully aware that choosing not to exercise it seems like the waste of a God-given gift. And it is.
However, this is a necessary evil. In this economy, we are all asked to make sacrifices. Because I do not yet have a job and will probably spend the foreseeable future begging for one, I must sacrifice the finals beard.
Simply put, I do not need to give people another reason for not hiring me. What to me looks awesome to others looks like a lost hiker. What to me signifies manliness to others signifies destitution and dereliction. What to me separates the men from the boys to others separates the homeful from the homeless.
Alas.
(Single tear).
There is yet one final measure of hope. The minute I become gainfully employed, I will immediately cast aside my razor and commence to not shave. I hereby pledge to grow a beard so luxurious and full, God himself will grow to envy it. I will let the hairs on my face ripen until they become a great, big, hairy flower of awesome.
With hope, courage, and no small amount of prayer, we can all get through these difficult times together. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless America.
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