There is really no excuse for this. Living in the Northeast, you're unfortunately going to be using a coat for roughly nine out of the twelve months of the year.
With that being the case, wouldn't you gladly pay a dollar to not have to deal with your coat all night?
Science has proved that, at one point or another, everyone who has gone to college has had at least one coat stolen. Usually, it is your nice, expensive winter coat with which some asshole has absconded. There are few things sadder than the hope fading away, like that of a Mets fan in September, as you rummage through a pile of coats and realize that yours is gone forever.
You are left with one of two options. One, you do the noble thing and grit your teeth and try not to cry as you trudge home at three in the morning in twenty degree weather and wish for a not-so-painful-but-still-with-a-little-bite death for the thief.
Or you take someone else's coat. Which I don't recommend, but not for moral or altruistic reasons. In most cases, the coat will probably not fit, be of an undesirable color, or smell vaguely like its last owner. If you, like I, go to bars that law students frequent, the coat will smell of depression, Valium, and higlighter fluid.
After the mugging, of course, you turn more paranoid than a whore in church. Every time you go out, and put your coat down somewhere, even for a minute, half your time at the bar is spent hovering over your coat like a mama bear over its cub, going back to check on it, glancing at it every five seconds or so, until that pretty girl at the bar finally quits on trying to make eye contact with you and leaves with some waterpolo player, leaving you with only the tepid embrace of your North Face for the night.
Or else you don't let go of your coat and you cling to it with a death grip more sad than desperate, drawing stares of consternation from everyone around you.
So yes, I'd gladly pay a dollar not to have to deal with that, and have both hands free to
And please, also tip your waitress.
3 comments:
Proof, as if more was needed, that you are not, in fact, a Jew.
I'd rather have my coat stolen than puked on. I speak from experience.
I also think tipping the coat check people is a joke and a half. You've already paid to have your coat hung up. Which just seems ridiculous to begin with. They're getting paid to hang.up.coats. They're not volunteers, so you know they're getting a paycheck. What's next, tipping guys who open doors for you? Tipping the people at fast food counters? Tipping gigilos? I mean...where does it END?!
For the Jewish amongst us, shame on you.
For the Non-Jewish. If you pay for it -- that is, the particular service, such as hanging up the coats -- you don't tip. It's the same principle as in when the bill comes with a service charge.
If you don't have to pay, you tip.
And please, always tip your gigolo.
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