Babe the Pestilent Pig

For the record, you three trillion people who made the same joke today, I do not have the swine flu. Contrary to popular belief, Mexicans everywhere are not a roving disease on two legs, come here to take both your jobs and your health.

But you should not refuse to hug me because of the swine flu. You should just refuse to hug me for the usual reasons.

I know things are bad. It's bad enough that Wolverine doesn't trust his healing factor to get him out of this one. Everyone in Mexico looks like the worst nightmare of someone who is deathly afraid of surgery. Even the Earth itself is quaking in its little space boots.

But you know what? This has happened before, and it played like a Kurt Vonnegut short story. Click that link and try not to wonder at the fact that the knee-jerk reaction to the panic ended up costing dozens of lives and upwards of two and a half billion dollars in claims. So chill.

And if we can't chill? Then I propose we find a healthy outlet for our fear and anger and find the person responsible for the end of the world.


That's right, you little asshole. It's angry mob time and we're pointing the pitchfork at your inexplicably thinning hair. May God have mercy on your soul.