They’re really rubbing it in today, aren’t they. Today I received an email from something called Register Now with the subject: Last Chance for US Citizens to Make Plans to Vote.
Thank you, fellas. One, why is this even directed to me? You don’t see me sending “Registrese para votar hoy!” emails to my friends in Ohio. Besides the lack of elections in Latin America, this isn’t really your target audience.
Two, isn’t it redundant to say that only citizens can vote? It’s like saying only cops can arrest you. Sure, there’s citizens arrest, but if you’ve ever tried to do one, you know this is a task better left for actual professionals.
Three, I'd really like to vote. Particularly in Ohio. Alas, I have not yet been married for three years and cannot do so.
What I can do, however, is persuade. So if any of you out there, particularly in the battleground states, know someone who needs their mind changed? I'm up for the task. I'll even give you a "friends and family" discount. Heck, I'll even do two for the price of one.
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