Friday, October 31, 2008

My Blood Runs Big Red

If you played our Office Drinking Game during last night's show, and stuck to the rule where every mention of Cornell requires you to drink a shot, you're probably dead now.

Most of the writers (and actors) on The Office went to Harvard. So, of course, they have the biggest buffoon in the office (not named Dwight) as the asshole who went to Cornell.

Which is why the episode bothered me a little bit. Andy, when he learns that Dwight wants to go to Cornell, freaks out and does everything in his power to prevent this.

This is strange behavior. As a Cornell grad myself, I champion their cause incessantly. If someone told me they wanted to go to Cornell, I'd tackle them, tie them up and then drive them to Ithaca, where I'd handcuff us to the pipes in President Skorton's office until they let that person in. Why? The more Cornellians the better.

In fact, I am already freaking out about my own kid, fifteen years from now, not getting into Cornell. I can't think of anything more devastating. Except, I guess, having my kid tell me he doesn't want to go to Cornell, in which case he'd be disowned, but whatever. That will never happen. My poor son is going to be so indoctrinated, he's going to make Bush look open-minded.

I'll do anything in my power to make sure my kid gets into Cornell. I'll Forrest Gump's mom it, I'll build a new building, I'll exterminate their enemies, you name it. If it's legal, I'll do it. If it's illegal, I'll find a way around the illegality and do it. Like Creed said when he auctioned himself off, this is "all inclusive." Your move, Cornell.

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