I Got a Rock

I woke up a couple of days ago and saw a guy outside my window. I live on a sixth floor. Needless to say, I was startled.

Naturally, my first thought was "Vampires!" Then the stupid part of my brain retreated (for a second) and I realized that it was just a window wiper.

I can't help it if I'm spooked by the season. I've long suspected that my apartment is haunted, and I'm not the only one. In my apartment there are certain occurrences that manifest themselves every once in a while, mostly on the weekend.

I'll wake up Saturday, or Sunday, and my kitchen will be a disaster. Grated cheese everywhere, chips drowning in pools of salsa, half-eaten quesadillas and pizza bagels strewn about. The TV will be on.

Other than a poltergeist, I simply cannot think of any other explanation for these activities. In fact, I'll be shocked if it doesn't happen tonight.

Tonight is the second Halloween party of the weekend. Yesterday was the yearly BU Law Halloween Party Disaster, and it lived up to its billing.

My costume? I wrestled with this one for a while. Originally, I was to dress up as the stock market. And then I'd fall down a lot. It was a very practical costume. As the night wore on, I'd fall down more and more. Also, given my propensity to wrestle, I could also tackle people and justify it by saying, "Hey, it's the stock market. It's bringing everyone down."

But that was not so much a costume as it was an act. So I kept thinking.

And then it came to me. What scares me more than anything in the world?

The INS!

Presto. Thus was born Charlie from Ohio, your friendly neighborhood INS agent.

Now it's time to trick or treat. Is it kosher to trick or treat in an apartment building? I mean, it's mighty convenient. Just walk the halls. In a world that rewards efficiency, it makes so much sense.

And for those of you who say, "Charlie, you're 24, too old for this," I say bah! I like candy as much as the next guy, probably more. So what if I'm twice the age when trick or treating is borderline acceptable? I want my candy, dagnabbit! Just don't you dare give me a rock.