LOCKDOWN Terminated

This was posted automatically at precisely 1:30 P.M., Eastern Standard Time.

The author of this blog was just released from the confinements of LOCKDOWN. He is currently away from his computer, celebrating his freedom with the joy of a plane crash survivor and the recklessness of an immortal. There will be few survivors.

If found and conscious, anything the author says or does in the next 48 hours will be considered the product of whiskey and/or tequila and/or both. Therefore, the author of this blog will not be held liable for any statements, actions, agreements, or representations that he makes, even though he may do so willingly, even eagerly.

Marriages, nevertheless, will be an exception to this clause and will be valid, unless the author of this blog married someone who does not currently possess a U.S. passport.

If found and unconscious, the author of this blog kindly requests that you return him to the address that is listed on his Facebook account. His keys are in his right pocket. Laying him on his side and putting a trash can next to the bed would be greatly appreciated. If necessary, please call the last number on his phone. This applies unless the last number on his phone is a girl. If it is a girl, the author of this blog has no idea where she is or what happened to her, he swears.

If you receive a phone call from the police, the author of this blog would desperately beg that you take it. The posting of bail is encouraged and will earn you undying gratitude. If you are questioned by the police regarding the author of this blog's whereabouts, activities, or character, the author of this blog suggests that you lie.

Reading this entry constitutes acceptance of the terms of this agreement.

This blog will enter into a respectful period of radio silence until such a time when the author of this blog can successfully hold his head up and discern individual keys.