Elevator Go Up?

The BU faculty and grad student lounge is inconveniently located on the 5th floor of the GSU. It is a desirable place to go because, one, it doesn't let in undergrads and two, it is an all-you-can buffet, which, if you're my size and shape, is a sure sign that God loves you.

Why is it inconveniently located? Because to get to it, one must swim across a zombie-like swarm of freshmen who still haven't learned that the number one rule of a city is, "Don't be in the way." Then, one must take an elevator up five floors.

Yesterday, on our way to the buffet (pronounced boo-fay), we came across a disheartening sight.

A big sign that said "Closed for Repairs" was in front of the elevator.

We hesitated. Then a guy got off the elevator. We looked at each other, shrugged, and got on the elevator.

Getting into a broken elevator is a pretty stupid thing to do, and a bit more dangerous than something like sitting on a bench that clearly says, "Wet Paint." LOCKDOWN means you're trapped in a library, not in a small box with two guys. And to have what happened to this guy happen to us would be pretty bleeping catastrophic.

In any case, God protects fools and drunks. So, with the double dose of protection, we escaped unscathed.

Unfortunately, our luck ran out today, when we saw the elevator. The elevator is clearly going nowhere: it has so many exposed wires, it looks like its undergoing an autopsy.

But what really made us stop and weep was the sign.

ELEVATOR CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE UNTIL MARCH 1, 2009.

Three Months?! Boy, am I glad it didn't break with us in there, because three months is a pret-ty long time. I fail to comprehend how it takes three months to fix an elevator. Perhaps the piece they need to fix the elevator needs to be aged in wood, like a fine scotch. Perhaps, as Kyle suggested, it is being shipped from a war-torn nation, across continents and seas and Somali pirates, by someone who resembles Jack Bauer.

In any case, we'll be left without an elevator for three months. Which presents problems when getting to the fifth floor buffet.

At a time like this, when food is all we have to look forward to, five floors are an especially daunting obstacle. Granted, we would be well served in walking up the stairs, especially if we are going to have an eating contest up there. But five flights of stairs sure seems like Everest when you're starving and the prison guards have you on the clock.

We could, of course, engineer some type of rope and pulley system, but its construction might be difficult to explain to the guards during LOCKDOWN.

So I guess we'll just have to starve. Which is good, I guess, because it beats the heck out of studying. Which, as Matles so aptly put it, is an amalgam of 'student" and "dying."

Update: I've been informed that I can't count. Four months have been changed to three. Three months remain, however, an unconscionably long time in which to fix an elevator.