Charlie From Oyez

As we all know, Stephen Breyer Sandra Day O'Connor David Souter is hanging up his cleats and going home, to a house that looks like the setting of the sequel to The Haunting in Connecticut: The Haunting in New Hampshire.

A dependable if unspectacular justice, Souter's career is much like Luis Gonzalez's. Always solid, rarely great. Reading a Souter opinion is like slogging through rhetorical mud. He helped co-author the 100-plus page Casey, which, if it was a movie, would be a David Lynch movie. True, he usually reached a consistent and moderate opinion, but the man was about as exciting as waiting for your toaster to do its thing.

In fact, Souter will be remembered mostly for having been a huge mistake. At least, from the right wing perspective.

Let's look at it from Bush the Elder's point of view. Souter is his first nominee to the Court -- his first-born, if you will. Bush the Elder is beaming, happy, proud as punch. And then Souter upholds abortion rights. Bush the Elder goes, uh-oh. And then Souter votes consistently with the left. And Bush the Elder now has that same look on his face that he got when Bush Jr. told him he had made the cheerleading squad at Andover.

And then, to top it off, Souter votes against Bush the Elder's actual son in Bush v. Gore.

It's brilliant and it's beautiful. It would have been Biblical if Souter had been part of a majority in Bush v. Gore, but this ain't Hollywood. But it's still good to know that Bush the Elder's figurative son was as big a disappointment to him as his actual son.

Well, let's not go that far.

I myself am of course throwing my hat into the ring of possible successors. I know everyone and their mother think a woman should get the post, but what the hell. It's worth a shot. Plus, if I don't get it now, I'll get it next year, when Stevens retires, or the year after that, when Ginsburg does the same.

Why me? Why not. For one, I'd be the perfect stealth candidate. Yes, my judicial philosophy of "well, it makes sense" is a tad unsophisticated. But, well, it makes sense. And while there's a strong probability I'll be GChatting on the bench, that can't be any different from whatever it is that Thomas does. After all, all I have to do is ask one question and I won't be the least participative member of the proceedings.

Even if that question is, "What page are we on?"