Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Mattingly, Get Rid of Those Sideburns

"Okay, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning."

Today, the Cornell Summer Softball Team--Boston Chapter Edition begins practice in preparation for league play in the Ivy Leaguers who Live in Boston Group. I for one cannot wait to beat the living crap out of those assholes from Princeton.

I have no idea what the rules constitute. Therefore, I will follow the above rules, as quoted on The Simpsons. I like them. If I can adhere to them, trim my sideburns, avoid Giantism, play a different position than Darryl Strawberry, and catch the occasional ball that makes it out of the infield, I'll be a happy man indeed.

By the way, that episode of The Simpsons shows that, with the addition of Canseco and Clemens, not even summer league softball is immune from steroids. Therefore, I will begin juicing. If I can avoid 'roid rage, good may very well come out of all of this.

Anyone know a good pusher?

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