If this next exam was a wind, it would be a twister. Or hurricane. Or both. A hurrister, if you will. Or twistacane. Or something that doesn't sound like an adult novelty.
Admin is the next thing to be bested and this could really sink my already-leaking-ship. Apparently, the exam is two issue spotters, where he gives us an incomprehensible statute and then ten pages of facts on benzene and octane standards and then asks whether we should overturn the board that overturned the ALJ or if that is even a question to consider and if not then what. In other words, I only understood about half the words in that sentence. I might understand three words on the actual exam.
In fact, I've given up hope. I know there's no way I'll do anything remotely acceptable. So, in order not to fail, I am going to resort to a new strategy. I'm not terribly proud of it, but if you don't eat the bear, the bear eats you.
What I'm going to do is simple. I'm going to walk into the exam room. And then I'm going to sneeze. And then I'm going to sneeze again. And again. Then I'll cough. I'll look sweaty and disheveled. I'll keep coughing. Five minutes before the exam starts, I'll pretend to take a call from back home and speak in Spanish. Then I'll sneeze again.
With luck, people will put two and two together and, like everyone else did, completely freak out. If people become rattled enough by the swine flu panic, it'll overwhelm their ability to actually answer the exam. This gives me the competitive advantage that will allow me to, if not succeed, at least level the playing field.
Hey, others did it. And yes, they got red-carded and are kind of douchebags. But the proctor will be too busy making a surgical mask out of the exam instructions. And even though I may be lynched, at least I will not fail.
Probably. Hopefully.
Avenge me.
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