Yes, it's true. Because I have a final tomorrow, I am unable to participate in this highest of holidays: Cinco de Mayo.
I was thinking of filing a claim against BU, for forcing me to both take a final and study for tomorrow's final on the holiest of holy days for Mexicans.
I honestly feel like I am not being allowed to exercise my religious beliefs. Today, I am not performing my God-given duties as a Mexican. I am not celebrating my heritage. I am not running down the street clad in only a sombrero with a Mexican flag as a cape. I am not drinking myself stupid and forcing tequila on impressionable co-eds. I am sitting in a library studying for an exam that tells me how cops should behave. Because of this, I am genuinely afraid of going to hell.
And this isn't just hell. This is Mexican hell. The salsa is all Tostitos "Salsa" - mild. The music lacks accordions. The pinatas are all empty and every time you take a nap the phone rings and it's your boss.
And there's a river at the edge of this hell. And no matter how much you swim, you can never get to the other side.
If anyone in this library has tequila (normally this would be me but I ran out), I would appreciate it if you could spare enough so I can sprinkle a little on my forehead like holy water.
And if you are done and not in the library, mazel tov. Find yourself tequila and be baptized. Happy Cinco de Drinko, everybody.
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