Let Them Eat Caviar

I don't know if anyone caught this article in the NYT the other day, but it is just about the scariest damn thing I've seen in months. And that includes this.


Yeah, that graph is bad. We're the green line. And as those in Boston know, the green line is the worst. thing. ever.

But what's worstest is this article in the NYT explaining to the proletariat how $500,000 per year in Manhattan is no way for a decent person to live. At least, not with dignity.

After helpfully explaining that taxes will leave you with the paltry sum of $270,000 to spend, the newspaper goes on in detail about expenses that, let's face it, are absolutely necessary.

You have to account, of course, for the more-expensive-than-Harvard private schools, setting tuition at over $32,000 a year. You must hire a nanny who makes more than lawyers in middle America. Gowns for the wife that cost more than most people's cars. And there are those two $16,000 vacations one must take every year, or else you risk looking like one of those poor animals who don't know the difference between a mast step and a pulpit.

And they haven't even begun to account for other expenses. Cocaine alone runs you several thousand dollars a month. A worthwhile hooker has to cost more than $5,000 per hour, because, honestly, are you going to slum it at a cheaper price? What are you, the governor? And most essential of all are your accessories. To some, it may be a square piece of cloth. But to others, a $90 pocket square is the difference between you and a peasant.

What do the folks in Washington expect us to do in these big, awesome northeast cities? I mean, this ain't Houston. This ain't Louisville, Cleveland, or even Denver. We are civilized, honest people, and if having that civilization means paying $4.50 for a bagel with cream cheese, then so be it. $500,000 per year? What do they expect people to do? Take cabs? I'd rather stick my head in a bag full of Indian food and take a big whiff.

They're right, though. If the socialists get their way and executive pay gets capped at half million a year, sacrifices must be made.

I'd turn to a life of crime, but let's face it, that happened a long time ago.

So I guess all there is to do is start selling the kids. I'm done spending $32K a year to send them to school. For that money, I can buy a spring wardrobe and fly to Ibiza for the weekend.

Plus, if the kid is as awesome as his nannies tell me via their monthly written reports, he's sure to fetch a pretty penny on the open market. If I sell both kids, I can get enough to get those yacht sails made out of koala pelt. Spare no expense.