Well, within five minutes, the average viewer wants them both dead.
And, until that day when the Alien decides to break through Napoleon Dynamite’s skinny, whiny, oh-my-god-please-lift-something-heavier-than-your-mouse chest, we’ll have to settle with this.Elton John (!) is helping produce a piece where Pride and Prejudice will be performed as scheduled, except with the casting addition of the Predator, a monster most famous for his second-degree murder of Carl Weathers.
Not content with just throwing zombies into the mix, Elton John and co. will happily have a Predator run around, blowing up Mr. Darcy and generally wreaking havoc on poor Georgian England. No word yet on whether he’ll be called the Predator or the actual devil incarnate in these buttoned-up, religious times.
A few years ago, someone unearthed a vampire story – screenplay, actually — that was written by William Faulkner. I penned a pretty fun column that has now been lost in the black hole that is The Sun’s internet archives. So I can’t link to it. Alas.
In it, however, I imagined what would happen if zombies overran West Egg and the estate of Jay Gatsby (“I can positively see his brains, old sport!”), Chucky stalked around with Satan in Paradise Lost, and, most pertinent to today’s news, Jason Voorhees was trolling around in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.
In my version, Tom and Becky want to go off in their raft, and they ask Jason to push their raft out into the water. He does, but not before setting it (and them) on fire. Jason then smiles silently behind his mask.
My Point? I came up with the idea to drop monsters and serial killers into old literature classics of the English Language. Therefore, I will be asking for royalties. I expect my check any day now, Elton.
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