The Meatshakes

Some will remember a day in the late Spring of 07. The day began with a tailgate for a Cornell Lacrosse game, where I drank and ate pretty much non-stop for several hours in the May sun. That was followed by an end-of-the-year dinner at Maxie's, Ithaca's premier Cajun restaurant. I say this, of course, without a trace of irony.

At Maxie's, I had Cajun shrimp, half a roll of cornbread, and a whole slab of ribs. Midway through this meal, I suffered through an almost fatal case of the meatsweats. I'm talking actual dripping, a five-napkin brow wipe and puddles in my shoes. At some point, Caitlin, who had the misfortune of being seated in front of me, grew concerned enough to suggest that I stop eating, presumably so there wouldn't be a medical emergency on the premises. Like all good advice, I ignored it, proceeded to (barely) finish the meal, and then fell into a five hour nap state of unconsciousness.

I thought that such a deluge would never be topped. I was wrong. Oh so wrong.

A new BBQ restaurant opened in Boston last week, and, like Oliver Twist, there I was, plate in hand, asking for more more more. Craft beer, BBQ Ribs and Brisket. There is no such thing as too much of a good thing, right?

Well, a full rack, an ear of corn on the cob, a thing of cornbread, a share of wings and sweet potato fries, and two beers are terrific things, but far too much. Far more than is healthy. I went Hannibal Lecter on the food. Forget the meatsweats, this time I also had the meatshakes. My hands were shaking. I started to black out at some point. It took almost 30 minutes of sustained, silent eating, but I finished every last scrap of food on my plates. In my zeal, I had to be forcibly restrained from eating the bones.

That last one is a lie, but no person should eat like this. I was still in a quasi-daze the next day. It was very worth it, if only because I learned that everything has a limit, including eating. On the plus side, I did not have dessert, so at least I was being healthy that way.

OK. Time for a second dinner. Cheers.