Cabs Are Here!

Congratulations, Boston! You have made the top of a list!

Of course, that list is the one titled, "Most Expensive Cabs in America," but still. Yay for winning!

Oddsmakers had favored New York City -- home of the $7.50 Bud Light bottle -- in the early going. Experience proved invaluable to debunk this, as the unforeseen occasional necessities to take cabs back into Manhattan early on Sunday morning from Whoknowswhere in Brooklyn or Wheretheballsarewe in New Jersey proved surprisingly reasonable indeed.

That said, this should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever had the pleasure of a Boston cab ride. Here, each mile traveled will cost the patron the borderline unconscionable sum of $2.80.

This wouldn't be horrible, considering that metro Boston is one of the smallest cities in America. However, the streets in Boston were designed 400 years ago by a blind drunk who just looooved walking in circles. As a result, city streets are a navigator's nightmare, looping endlessly, going southwest one moment and northeast the next, so there's no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going. So the danger must be growing and so forth.

Oh, and all the streets are one way.

The consequence of this is that, what should be a relatively simple trip turns into a months-long odyssey of missed turns, dead ends, and jaunts an astronaut could not weather. Sure, it may only be three miles from Harvard to Kenmore, but the meter says you owe the guy $17.80. Surprise!

And we haven't even gotten to the airport yet. A ten minute ride will somehow cost upwards of $30, owing mostly to the ridiculous per mile charge, but also to the completely unreasonable $8.00 surcharge for picking you up from the airport and paying tribute to its ruling tribes.

Perhaps the saddest thing of all is that this is not even the cabbies' fault. This report does a very good job of explaining how cabbies are getting even more screwed than we are, thanks to an oppressive medallion system that was instituted and capped back in 1931, when people still rode horses and airports were not really a thing yet.

So the cabbies are getting screwed by both the banks who hold title to the medallions and the municipalities who monopolize the street hailing trade. And we in turn get screwed by the cabbies.

And, as usual, there's no one for us to screw.

Oh. Wait a minute.

Cabs are here!