Dispense With the Dispenser

My dad often asks me why I make fun of the law tower so much. Honestly, it's difficult not to. Witness the latest stroke of genius:

Granted, this is not the clearest of pictures. It's pretty hard to take a picture with your iPhone inside a tiny, cramped bathroom while rushing it, because, really, nobody wants to be caught taking a picture of anything in a public bathroom.

But allow me to explain.

This is the men's bathroom in the basement of the law tower, right next to the lockers. Consequently, it is one of the most visited places in the building.

In the bathroom, there are two sinks. Attached to the wall directly over the sinks, as you can see, are two perfectly functional paper towel dispensers made out of metal. There is one over each sink although here you can only see one.

Now, the geniuses over at the BU Law School Feng Shui department seem to have decided that having just two towel dispensers for two sinks is entirely inadequate. Instead, you need three. Never mind that, when you buy shoes, you only buy two of them. Three is the only rational number.

I mean, imagine you're peeing. And, let's pretend you're ultra spastic. And you're getting jostled around. So what was supposed to be a dry run ends up leaving you with something of a mess on your hands.

Naturally, your first instinct is to clean up. So you run to the sink. And then, OH NO!

There's guy number one, at sink number one, using paper towel dispenser number one. And then, on his right, is guy number two, at sink number two, using paper towel dispenser number two.

In the past, one would panic, cry, and be forever branded by shame. But now, our friend, the spastic hand-pee-er (Let's call him M. Alou), finally has a home at the BU basement bathroom, designed specifically for him.

It sounds terrific in theory, right? Alas, like communism, the Time-Warner merger, and law school, practice turned out to be much different indeed.

Look at the picture again. Notice how the new towel dispenser, the black one, is enormous. Notice how much it juts out. Notice also (this is a little tougher), where it is located.

The small size of the bathroom made it so the only possible place for the new towel dispenser was next to the old one. This is also known as the place where you stand when you wash your hands.

The photograph doesn't convey much depth, but trust me on the size of the obstruction. You can't physically stand at that sink because the stupid, superfluous towel dispenser is RIGHT FRICKIN THERE. The only way they could have made it more obtrusive was to put it inside the sink itself.

Therefore, there is only one usable sink and three towel dispensers. To return to the shoe analogy, not only did BU buy a third, extra shoe, they also chopped off a foot while they were at it.

So now, if there's someone else in the bathroom, you can't wash your hands. It's impossible. The bathroom has become unusable. It's a shame.

And that, your honor, is why I was in the women's bathroom.