Trial of the Semester

Today, my trial advocacy class comes to an end.

Last week I had my own trial. My partner and I valiantly defended a department store from a litigious plaintiff - a woman who was stopped and questioned about how she might have shoplifted and was then subsequently arrested. As a result, she claimed, she suffered post-traumatic stress disorder.

I mean, come on, right? We've all been there. Who hasn't been falsely arrested? And none of us shakes and throws up and can't be alone anymore.

Due mostly to sharp questioning and a closing argument on par with Daniel Webster, our advocacy skills were enough to secure a judgment for our client on two out of three claims. The last claim was lost because we were barred procedurally from introducing a key third witness, but no matter. Although I was unable to work a mocking, "Oh the humanity!" into my closing argument, two out of three ain't bad.

Today, the other half of the class will perform their own trial. I have been commissioned as an actor in one of those trials.

My part?

The defendant in a criminal trial: a gas station attendant who is accused of raping a pregnant woman.

Yeesh.

While I am flattered that I was the first choice for this role, this is a difficult part to play. But apparently, my character didn't actually do the crime he is accused of committing. That should be a great motivation. I mean, I can't go back to prison. I'd get passed around like a pack of cigarettes.

My most pressing question about this role is, how do I dress? I would assume that this character would be in custody. However, it is probably unwise to walk around Boston in a prison jumpsuit while on my way to the courthouse.

So what do I wear instead? A suit? Gas station overalls? Lots of denim? How much chest hair do I show? I mean, I say that I seduced this woman, so there should be a little, right? On the other hand, she says that I raped her, so it should not be that much. So how much puts me on the right side of the line?

I just hope I don't get typecast.