Joining the AA

During my current incarnation as a teetotaler, I have gone to several bars and parties. I have abstained from drinking during these occasions.

However, people are always surprised when they see me without a drink in my hand. And I can't blame them. It's like seeing John Henry without his hammer.

So they always go, "Whoa," and ask me, "Why aren't you drinking?"

And, because being on meds for a stomach virus is equal parts boring and TMI, I always say, "I've just joined A.A. I'm two weeks sober." And then I start digging in my pockets. "Hold on, let me find my chip."

Inevitably, I get three reactions to that:

1. Hahahaha. You? No, come on. Really, why aren't you drinking?

2. Oh! Um ... I see ... uh ... OK. I ...

3. FINALLY.

Fine, I'm lying about the last one. No one has said "Finally!" Thank God.

A surprising amount of people, however, have had reaction number two. And it's hard to blame them for that.

Because what do you say to someone who tells you that they just joined A.A.? It's such an awkward answer. What are you supposed to say? "I'm sorry?" "Oh, good luck with that?" "Oh geez, that sucks. Here, can I get you a drink?"

I deeply regret any awkwardness that my comment may have caused anyone or their family.