The Suprema

And so it came to pass that the Senate confirmed Sonia Sotomayor to be the first Hispanic justice in Supreme History. We will conveniently disregard Justice Cardozo and his Portuguese and undefined ancestry since it raises difficult questions and inconveniently encroaches on the media's obvious angle.

This, of course, is bittersweet news for me. I had hoped to become the first Hispanic justice of the Supreme Court. This would, of course, follow my terms as the first foreign-born president of this country, successfuly taking advantage of the constitutional amendment that the Governator managed to pass but failed to utlize, mostly because the voters were reluctant to elect a Presidentor. Naturally, this would have made me the second Justice to serve on the Supreme Court following a Presidential term, joining Taft. Hopefully, I would also have been the second-heaviest person to do the same.

If any gas would be left in the tank, then I would, of course, become Emperor.

But to get back to Sotomayor, this is indeed an important moment, and she and other Hispanics should be proud.

Liberals on the Court, of course, are expected to maintain their minority. While Sotomayor will not alter the balance of the Court, she will be an outspoken replacement to the reticient Souter. Whereas Souter would barely register a firecracker going off under his chair, liberals are hoping that Sotomayor will not only scream Bloody Murder, but also manage to trace the setting off of the firecracker to Scalia, who she'd then proceed to beat into Fetuccini Bolognese.

Of course, this overstates the case. Much has been made of Sotomayor's demeanor on the bench, who is excoriated for asking tough questions while simultaneously being woman. That said, her opinions -- albeit with a tendency to skew slightly to the left -- are the model of judicial restraint, and are about as exciting as a three hour class on administrative oversight.

Many observers claim that what the left on the Court really needs is a firebrand who will go after Scalia. They imagine that by imitating Scalia and making jokes and taking cheap shots at her colleagues, the Court can stop its rightward tilt and chart a more moderate course.

This is hogwash. While I appreciate a candid and entertaining opinion as much as the next guy, the notion that Scalia is any more effective by skewering those who disagree with him is ludicrous. If anything, it serves to alienate his colleagues and makes it that much harder to forge coalitions and get votes.

Who the Court really belongs to is the centrists, those cut from the O'Connor mode. Kennedy, who agrees with most observers when they say that he is the most powerful person in the judicial world, is O'Connor's heir in the middle and ultimately the law means whatever Anthony Kennedy thinks it means.

Ultimately, it doesn't really matter if Sotomayor screams at the attorneys or coddles them. It also doesn't matter if she writes the dryest opinions or the most acerbic. As much of a milestone as this is for Latinos, her position on the Court is unlikly to make much of a difference, at least for the foreseeable future.

When might she make a difference? We're going to have to wait until one of the conservative justices retires. Or, even better, Kennedy. When that happens, I guarantee you right now that the Supreme Court will be a three ring circus. The implications of that vacancy will be enormous, and Roberts, Sotomayor, and probably whoever the new nominee will be are going to throw their hats in there in an effort to become the ringleader of a Court that is suddenly up for grabs.

And that, my friends, will be television.