(Bells, whistles.)
I cleared customs!
(Little children wave flags.)
I made it through immigration!
(Parade. With elephants.)
Ok. Settle down everybody. I'm happy to announce that I don't need to get married yet.
(Millions of hearts break.)
But worry not, because I'll need to be married someday.
(Unbreaking of hearts.)
I am happy to be in America. I am currently in Houston, feeling triumphant, waiting for my plane to Boston, which is currently in the midst of yet another ice storm.
Thankfully, the Boston Globe has published a handy guide to the North, which should really be entitled "Surviving the Northeast for Eses," from the For Dummies Books' Southwest subsidiary.
I am off to wander the airport now, perhaps to improbably ensnare some flight attendant who looks like Catherine Zeta Jones. Back in Boston tonight. Maine Road Trip tomorrow.
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