How Lowe Can You Go?

We just signed Derek Lowe, a week after losing John Smoltz.

Allow me to make an analogy.

It's like I was married to Elizabeth Hurley for 20-some years. And, true, she was old, but she could still bring it, and there are still days when she is the hottest woman on the planet. And then she goes and leaves me for Brad Pitt. And I can't really blame her.

So, in an explosion of self pity, I go out to some cougar bar in Reno and get drunk and spend way too much money buying this woman drinks, even though it's clear that she doesn't need that much to drink to put out.

Then I wake up and there's a ring on my finger and Helen Hunt is in bed next to me. And yeah, she'll do. Sometimes. And in a certain light. But my heart's not really in it, and well, Elizabeth Hurley is not coming back.

Big sigh.

Also, Smoltz in a Sox cap is just wrong. It's like seeing Jesus in a Nazi uniform.