Three Jews and a Mexican: Day Zero

Two years ago today,* I was leaving Ithaca on a bus, bound for the great state of New Jersey. It was there that I, a Mexican, would meet three Jews. The next day we would get in a gray 2007 Honda Pilot and commence driving South. The object was to get to Los Angeles within three weeks, visiting major cities, minor attractions, and everything in between.

Thus the great road trip of '07, Three Jews and a Mexican, was born.


Fourteen states were lucky enough to host us. Our Jersey plates were seen in locales as varied as Delaware, Arkansas, and New Mexico.

We noshed at an unfriendly Hooters, had spectacular duck quesadillas in a hole-in-the-wall in New Orleans, and visited something called Cruisin' Fried Chicken.

On the road, we counted nine dead squirrels, three dead deer, a cottonwood bunny, and three unidentified roadkill objects.

And, most importantly, we each saved over $178.32 on the trip. We did not pay for admittance to Graceland, the Country Music Hall of Fame, various other attractions, three minor league contests, and a major league game.

How? Well, we were fresh out of college. I still had my business cards from when I was an editor at The Sun. Early in the trip, we realized that the power of the press was such that we could use it to our advantage.

At every attraction that had an admittance fee, we would come up to the PR people, or call them in advance. Then we would smile, look sincere, and describe our plight as follows:

"Hello. My name is Charlie from Ohio and I'm an editor at the student newspaper up in Cornell University. Here's my card. My friends and I are all writers for the paper and we are taking a trip across America for a couple of weeks. We are writing a blog about it. Our purpose is to chronicle the trip, and describe for our readers up in Ithaca all there is to see across the United States, including attractions, museums, and the like. It's a really cool project, and we're very excited about it. (Pause and embarrassed sigh) The thing is, we're college students and kind of on a limited budget. We were wondering if, in exchange for the publicity and a nice, informative write-up, you would maybe waive the admittance fees so that we may save some money and keep this trip going with as many visits to as many places as possible. We'd really appreciate any help you could give us."

Then we would step back and smile and wait for the inevitable, "Yes, sure, absolutely, that sounds terrific. We actually have media guides and a lot of free stuff. Here. Oh, also, there's a buffet up there, so feel free to have as much food as you want."

And we would.

I am not kidding. It worked every time. Every time.

We never wrote a blog. I've always felt a bit guilty about this, since that technically makes us liars, although I prefer the more artful term, "swindler."

That's why now, on the second anniversary of the trip, and with a blog up and running, I aim to write and thus right this wrong, removing the stigma of being a confidence man from all our persons.

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, this will be a day-by-day chronicle -- written with the collaboration of the three aforementioned Jews -- of what happened on that fateful road trip. Our source is the diligent record we kept. Our purpose? To entertain you.

I do hope you enjoy this. We certainly did. It was a tremendous experience and now you, the world, get to see what it's like when three Jews and a Mexican walk into a car.

*The trip actually commenced on June 10th, not July 10th. I somehow misremembered this fact, and am now forced to begin the retrospective a month late. Better than waiting til next year, I guess. My apologies for missing not only the boat, but the whole damn ocean. Onward.