Three Jews and a Mexican: Day 2

Three Jews and a Mexican woke up around 10 a.m., thanks to our staying up to see a television show that ended with all of us screaming because we thought the cable had gone out. Getting up so (relatively) late was more than we would have liked, of course -- the object of a road trip is to do as much stuff as possible. The point of the day was to see Smokey Mountain National Park and make it to Nashville, Tennessee.

Thanks to our late start time, we were driving around Asheville, North Carolina, when we saw a sign on the side of the road: "Ghost Town. Grand Opening." We had no idea what that meant but a ghost town in the south sounded good to us. We exited and parked and went up to the little table set up at the entrance.

Charlie: Hi, um, we were wondering what the deal with this was.
Nice Lady: Oh sure! Are you boys with the press?
Charlie: ... Yes. Yes we are. Of course.
Nice Lady: Wonderful. Well, here are your press passes. And here (gives us all huge bags of stuff) are some materials about Ghost Town. Now, the ribbon-cutting ceremony is in half an hour, but, in the meantime, Congressman Shuler is in that room there, so you can interview him at your leisure. After the ceremony, the press luncheon and buffet is up in that cabin there. Enjoy!

And so it came to be that Three Jews and a Mexican came to understand the power of the press and the freebies it could bring.

We played along. Moldman interviewed Congressman Heath Shuler (D - N.C.), and had the 'nads to ask him about Darfur at the opening of a theme park. We killed any journalistic credibility we may have tenuously possessed by asking the Congressman to pose for a picture with us, but to his credit, he acceded and was more affable and courteous than four guys who were clearly improvising their story on the spot really deserved.

Before partaking in the free BBQ buffet, we did a short tour of Ghost Town. As you can see, it's an old west-themed, um, theme park featuring kiddie rides, people in costumes, and bewildered children.


It also featured a reminder that, for centuries, my family has had a long standing tradition of going to jail. Thank you all at Cornell for letting me continue the streak.

It is my understanding that the man is in prison for a noise violation.

After the theme park, we made our way to and through Smokey Mountain National Park. Dustin had inconveniently scheduled a phone interview during the time we would be in the forest. He predictably had no reception, and was forced to reschedule.

The Smokies (Smokeys? Meh) were nice enough. They must be nice to hike, but we enjoyed very much getting out of the car for a few minutes to stare at a bunch of trees. We played catch at one of the less mountainy areas, where I ran onto the road after a ball like a dumb first grader and narrowly avoided getting hit by a car.

Coming out of the tranquility and overwhelming nature of the Park, we descended upon Pigeon Forge, Tennesse, where it was like being hit in the face by American kitsch. This must be the motel and mini-golf capital of the world. Go Google Map Pigeon Forge, TN and mini-golf. It's overwhelming. More overwhelming was the fact that the Route was simultaneously 441 North and 321 South.

Still, Pigeon Forge has its charms, and we have defended it against those who would slander its good name. It is also home to Dollywood, founded by Dolly Parton, who, as Moldman put it, "is to Southerners as Barbra Streisand is to Jews."

Unfortunately, it was too late for us to visit Dollywood because we had to get to Nashville. We left Tennessee and its turpentine-like wine in the rearview mirror, but not before a parting shot.

Alan: (To car next to us) Hi, I'm sorry, do you know where we can find some putt-putt?
Hot Girl in car: (After taking an incredulous look at the half-dozen mini-golf establishments surrounding us) Over there?
Alan: Thanks! (Turns back, giggles, high fives).