I Was Only Following Orders

For the first time in my admittedly amoral life, I find myself in real danger of Hell.

My summer job concerns real estate law and property disputes. Because our client is generally the landowner, this involves representing the landlord end of the landlord-tenant relationship. This often puts me in the position of drafting letters and notices of default for failure to pay rent, letters of termination for failing to uphold the covenants of the lease, eminent domain takings, and so on.

So far I have had to terminate leases that involve old people, immigrants, and the generally destitute. It's kind of evil, I know. But someone has to be Darth Vader. And someone has to evict Darth Vader's delinquent tenants.

And then, today, karma. One of my favorite bars, it seems, is one of our tenants. And the bar has not paid its rent in months. And this morning, I sent them a letter of termination. Unless they pay their rent in two weeks, we're going to have to evict them.

It seems likely that, in two weeks, I will be extinguishing the life of a drinking establishment. It feels like the end of Old Yeller, Million Dollar Baby, and every zombie movie where the kid has to shoot the zombie-eaten dad before he actually dies all rolled into one.

As you can imagine, the moral conflict here is enormous. I've spent all day in a haze, shell-shocked, contemplating the fuzzy green wall of my cubicle in the vain hope that an answer will materialize. What am I doing here? Can I really pull the plug on someone who willingly sells me alcohol? How can I live with myself? Is this my purpose in life? How can anyone expect me to go through with actions so evil? And most importantly, where the balls am I supposed to drink now?

On the day of my judgment, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I supposed to tell him? That is was my job? My job?

Such is the banality of evil. The only way to overcome this evil, I'm convinced, is to stop working immediately and go get a drink at that bar now. Farewell.