Cornell recently lost 45,000 social security numbers when an unencrypted laptop was stolen. I have not yet been alerted that my own number was compromised, which is a good sign. The fact that so many of my classmates have been victims of this, and I alone have not, is not such a good sign. You can only be a suspect so many times before it starts to get old, so let me address the present matter forthwith:
There is no truth to the rumors that I myself am somehow implicated in this caper, in spite of the fact that social security numbers are quite the commodity for people like me, and, by extension, my very extended family. Any accusations to that effect are false and defamatory and will be dealt with immediately through legal and other avenues.
Rumors that I also hijacked a truck full of Cabbage Patch Kids and their attendant birth certificates are equally unfounded.
1 comment:
those birth certificates where the main reason why I steered VERY clear of those CPKs for my entire life.
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