Can You Hear Me Now?

As a proud iPhone owner over the last three years, I believe I can give a fair assessment of its qualities. In the end, it's a fantastic device for playing Angry Birds that occasionally makes spotty phone calls.

So the news that the magic phone is soon to be available to what's widely considered the best network in America should be well-received indeed. After all, this means that those of us who love bright and shiny things need no longer be tethered to a carrier that is often undersold as, "The BCS of cell phone companies."

But before we leap into unfounded conclusions, let's weigh the pros and cons of ditching AT&T and hooking up with Verizon.

Cons. The danger that the news will cause everyone to stampede and then overwhelm Verizon, much like opening a new cashier line at the supermarket somehow turns out to be worse for everyone involved.

Cons. I have seen prenups that are less onerous than the AT&T Contract. The Early Termination Clause should be renamed the Heather Mills Memorial Clause.

Cons. There will be a new iPhone in the summer. This is the 21st-century equivalent of buying a horse right before cars arrive on the market.

On the other hand ...

Pros. The phone will have the ability to make phone calls.

You would say that three to one is a no-brainer, but that's the issue with pros and cons lists. They assume that all pros and cons are created equal, and that they should be weighed in the same fashion. This is pure hogwash. Some cons are huge cons and some pros are tiny pros and when you evaluate every single one of them this way, you're right back where you started.

And so it comes to this. Do I stay with the horrible, ugly, useless wife with the iron-clad prenup and remain sad forever, cuckolding her every time I need to make a phone call by using a friend's phone? Or do I jump ship with the hot new girl and hope she won't be overwhelmed by the attention to the point where it's no fun to hang out with her anymore?

So which is it -- the lady or the tiger?