Charlie from Ohio, Esq.

I'd like to inform all concerned parties that I can now officially represent myself in court.

If you need a lawyer, feel free to give me a call. Chances are I'll refer you to a more adequate and competent lawyer. But if you could tell that lawyer to hire me, I would be very grateful.

Now that I have passed the Massachusetts bar exam, I can now append "Esquire" to my name. Reports that this was the only reason that I became a lawyer are exaggerated. I also get to begin sentences with the words, "As your attorney," which is all kinds of awesome. Turn-ons also include being called "counselor." As in, "You better take off those pants, counselor."

This is decidedly good news, but they also come with a bit of trepidation. I feel like I was just told, "Congrats! Come in!" And I'm walking into the party, and I'm adjusting my cuffs as I take a look around. And what I see sends me straight to the bar, where I order a double. No. A triple. You know what? How much for the bottle? OK, give me two.

Terrific news. I'm going to go have a scotch, right after I put on a shirt.