You're Like a Big Bear, Man!

The appearance of a Bill Simmons Vegas column is like the sounding of a conch shell, calling all degenerates to its hallowed Valhalla. (Parts 1 and 2)

Seriously, how can you not want to go to Vegas to do a fantasy football draft with your friends when stuff like this might happen:

12:20: The doorbell rings. It's CEO Eric! He's accompanied by two scantily clad Pizza Girls, five pizzas and a case of Bud Light. I'm not kidding -- this almost caused a riot. One girl is dressed like a cheerleader; the other is wearing Tom Brady's jersey and underwear (only if both had been shrunk to one-fourth the size). Later, CEO Eric described our reaction as "2-year-olds at a birthday party as Barney walks in." By the way, we're old.

Only Simmons can use Barney the purple dinosaur as an analogy for strippers.

So, who's in for Vegas?