The Great Teabagging

My trip to DC last weekend coincided with the teabagger rally. We’ve all, of course, seen the pictures of the lunatics – going through the pictures is like walking through a museum of madness of which Virgil would be proud.

I first glimpsed the madness when we landed in Baltimore. In front of us was Team America: a family of about eight who looked like an American flag threw up on them, happily devouring a box of glazed donuts. Yes, really.

But this was but the tip of the iceberg. From the start of this “Second American Revolution,” as many proudly called it, we were greeted by a woman with a sign featuring Marx, Hitler, Stalin, and Lenin, all surrounding a picture of Obama. An appropriate title would have been “One of These Things is Not Like the Others.” Instead, the title above this sign read, “Which One of These is Most like Obama?” When I asked the woman what the answer was, she said, “ALL OF THE ABOVE!” and pumped her fist.

Let’s try to be fair. These people are to the right what hippies are to the left. Let’s not forget that there are crazies on both sides.

That said, these were some kind of crazies. At one point, a “conservative rapper” – an oxymoron if I ever heard one – came on stage and yelled, “Yo where are all my right wing extremists at!?” The crowd went insane. I’ve never seen a more homogeneous crowd – this crowd was whiter than a Jimmy Buffet concert. A game of “Let’s find a minority!” yielded frustrating results.

The following are the most memorable things I saw. I can’t decide which is worse than the other:

1. The atrocious “Bury Obamacare with Kennedy” signs, made even more execrable by the fact that they were mass produced. When I asked a woman why she had that sign, she said, “I thought it was funny.”

2. Children used as props. One girl who could not have been more than 12 years old was standing in the middle of a field with a sign that said her debt was already $126,000. Her expression was one that you would expect of someone in stocks.

3. A guy in blackface. Yes, really. We were all walking by and then we saw him. “Yo, that guy is in blackface.” No way. “Yes, look. It’s blackface.” It can’t be. “He is.” There is no way he’s in blackface. It must be a skin condition. “I don’t think so. That’s blackface.” After a good minute of staring at him, we had no choice but to conclude he was in blackface. I know.

They cheered for Glenn Beck, rooted for Joe Wilson for president although maybe ten percent of them could name the state that Wilson represented, and advocated the dismantling of Congress (with the occasional exception reserved for the aforementioned Mr. Wilson). These patriots talked openly of secession and looked confused when they spoke of a recall election and we asked them what article in the Constitution allowed such a measure.

Arguing with them would have been fun if it hadn’t been so sad.