Joga Corropto

For those of you keeping track, the next few World Cups will be held in a rainforest, the tundra, and a desert.

In fact, a friend of mine came up with a fairly accurate visual representation of this phenomenon.

I was unaware that FIFA was tasked with assisting NASA in the search of places that can plausibly support life. Since we now know that there are organic entities that can subsist on arsenic, it's worth exploring whether exposure to high heat will allow for the survival of creatures subsisting of petro-dollar kickbacks and benzene.

For the record, the temperature in Qatar in July averages 115 degrees.

Also for the record, if you picked up the bustling hamlet of Elmira, New York thousands of miles east (or west, because at that distance it doesn't really matter) and set it down outside Doha, it would immediately become the third largest city in Qatar.

Look, I'm all for FIFA spreading the love and trying to jam its product into every unoccupied cranny of the world. I get it. Diversify and expand and whatnot.

But that's like saying, Hey, we've been drinking in the East Village way too long. Let's have our next bar crawl up in Spanish Harlem. It's dangerous, inconvenient, far away, and God knows if there are bars up there, but what the hell! Wild Card, bitches! Yee-hawwww!

That would never happen. Except here, Qatar -- playing above by Spanish Harlem -- has billions of dollars and enough know-how to misdirect the Corruption Police. Or, as he otherwise does business, the notary public of Zurich.

The good news is, in 2022, we'll all probably be dead. And if we're not, then I'll be pushing 40 and married with children, so I'll only be dead inside.

Lots of stuff to look forward to!