Ask Him What the Island Is

Awesome episode. This episode did a great job balancing the vaguely farcical Hurley flashbacks that we are used to (remember when Tricia Tanaka got hit by a meteor?) with so much random stuff blowing up on the Island. It was kind of jarring, actually. On the one hand we have Hurley building a Cluck's next to the pyramids at Giza and on the other we have Ilana falling down and going boom. It all worked as a great set-up episode, though. Things are really starting to pick up and move.

I've always enjoyed Hurley episodes, not so much for what happens in them but more for what kind of character Hurley is. It's not only that Hurley is the most grounded character who serves as a surrogate for the audience. That's part of it but not all of it.

No, the reason is that Hurley is such a terrific guy. He's probably the most decent character on the show. That is, he's the only one who never seems to have an ulterior motive. If he ever lies or conceals something, it's always for the purpose of helping out his friends. In fact, that seems to be Hurley's main -- and perhaps only -- motivation. To look out for his friends. How can you not like a guy like that? Guy's a mensch.

Hurley. We begin with Dr. Pierre Chang narrating over a power-point presentation of billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates Hugo Reyes, who has apparently endowed Jurassic Park.

In the sideways world, Hurley has everything -- a fast-food empire, a fortune, the love and respect of millions. He has everything except a woman. Cue the Mexican mother who demands that her son find a nice girl and settle down already.

(Hi, Mom!)

It seems incredibly odd to me that anyone would decide to stand up a millionaire. That said, it also astounds me that Hurley's great idea for a first date is a Mexican restaurant. Dude, I love Mexican food as much as the next guy, but that ain't a good venue for a first date. Maybe a fifteenth date, when you feel comfortable eating with your hands and farting in front of her, but not before.

All is not lost, however. In comes Libby, and she comes on strong. Hurley, understandably stunned (For some reason that I can't pinpoint I think that Libby must be an absolute demon
in the sack) seems to recognize her. She certainly recognizes him and then starts talking about soulmates.

Cut to the men in the white coats taking her to an insane asylum.

...

What?

...

She was there before she started talking to a guy she just met about being soulmates?

....

So she didn't get put in the loony bin because of the soulmates-within-five-minutes bombshell?

...

I guess that would make too much sense.

A freaked out Hurley is eating because he is unhappy and is unhappy because he eats. So he noshes on a family sized bucket of fried chicken, but no soda, because that would be too much. He is also unhappy because Libby shook him to the core.

Enter Desmond the subtle manipulator, who all but gives him the name of the sanitarium where Libby is being held.

So Hurley bribes a doctor -- hope you have malpractice insurance, doc. I always said this show was missing a lawyer -- and gets to speak to Libby. And crazy Libby, shut up inside an insane asylum, is the only one who knows the truth. She knows there was a plane crash. She knows there was an Island. The crazy person is the only sane person in this world!

But Hurley has some game, and Mr. Eko throws a water fountain through the window and she escapes Libby terminates her voluntary commitment to go on a date with him.

And then, finally, Hurley and Libby get their first date! And it's on a beach like they always wanted! I am contractually obligated to disclose that the sap in me really liked this moment. As Hurley said, "Because everybody likes cheese."

Libby and Hurley always seemed great together and you have to root for a guy like Hurley to get the hot blond chick. And when she kisses him, we get the flashback of the Sideways character realizing that there is another world out there.

And there's Desmond, who would later go on to sit in a parked car outside a school, sketchily watching Hurley and Libby make out. He then leaves. I find it interesting that Desmond leaves at that point, right after the flash. Is it the case that all he has to do is push people towards that flash and when they all have that flash, something will happen? Are these the violations that Eloise was angry about? The fact that Desmond seemed to leave it at that would indicate so.

Meanwhile, on the Island, Hurley breaks everyone's heart by asking Libby why she is the only dead person in the world who doesn't come back and yell at him.

Instead, he gets Michael "WAAAAAAALT!" Dawson, who tells him that if they blow up the plane, everyone will die, so don't.

Michael has become a part of the whispers on the Island, which seems to be a sort of purgatory for the characters who died there. They can't leave even if they want to. This is great news because, unless you believe that there are two purgatories (and that would just be inefficient), this means that the actual Island is not purgatory. Maybe those people who didn't believe the writers who said years ago that the Island was not purgatory can finally stop whining now.

After Ilana pulls an Arzt (more on this later), Hurley leads everyone to the Black Rock. And he must have been hoofing it, because he got there, set up enough explosives to blow up the entire ship, and was able to make his 300+ pounds run away before the explosion consumed him. Kudos to Hurley for keeping the trope of "cool guys don't look at explosions" alive, although he gets docked points for running.

So now that the Black Rock is no more, Alpert enlists Ben to go look for other devices that can blow up a plane. And this is where our merry band, Team Jacob, ceases to be. Unconvincingly lying that Jacob told them to go talk to Smocke, Hurley gets a handful of people to go with him to confront the Locke-ness Monster.

I found it interesting that Linus, Alpert, and Miles are on Team Explosion while Jack, Hurley, Lapidus, and Sun are on Team Let's Talk About our Feelings. (I was going to name the first team, Team Let's Blow Up the Plane, but, you know, the Polish President and whatnot). One team features the two characters who have been on the Island the longest. Hurley, I love you, dude, but Michael ain't exactly the most trustworthy guy out there. Just ask Libby.

So off they set, and anyone who was hoping for a Libby reunion is disappointed when, once again, we get Michael. Michael helpfully points out the very obvious Smocke compound and tells Hurley to tell Libby that he is sorry.

Two things. One, didn't Libby die on the Island? Wouldn't she be a part of the whispers in purgatory? If so, then why wouldn't Michael directly whisper, "I'm sorry" to Libby?

And two, the comment "If you see Libby again" seemed kind of loaded to me. Like Michael knew that there is a Sideways world and that there is a chance that Hurley will travel to it and see Libby again. So why is Michael pushing Hurley to what we have been led to believe is the wrong world that should not exist?

And so we come to the end, which is a great setup. Hurley marches everyone right into the thick of Smocke's compound and confronts him. Everyone smiles at each other, even though every remaining Another has their guns trained on the castaways. And the Smocke calls out, "Hello, Jack."

And I, for one, can't wait to see Tom and Jerry go at it again.

Alpert. Remember when Richard Alpert was the unflappable Richard Alpert? Well, he done got flapped. Again. He rants and raves more than Jack, which is saying a lot. He's convinced that blowing up the plane is the way to go. Wait 'til he finds out there is a sub out there. He's going to be drilling holes in that thing for eternity.

Ilana. Just as I finished writing down in my notes, "Chucking water bottles inside the dynamite backpack. Arzt is rolling in his grave" BOOM. Oh shit! ILANA EXPLODED!

I have to confess that I laughed for a good three minutes following the explosion. Ilana was kind of the most useless character the show has ever introduced (Nikki and Paulo weren't, because they served the purpose of shutting up all those fans who were all huffy demanding to know what the deal was with the other people on the plane. Nikki and Paulo were the writers saying, "Who cares? They suck and don't matter. Shut up." Plus, Nikki was hot and that ending was pretty cool). Anyway, Ilana just gobbled up screen time and never really got anything going. She's like that person who came in really late to the party and everyone is drunk and she is miserable because she isn't. And, of course, tomorrow no one will remember that she was even there.

On the other hand, watching her explode was awesome. And boom goes the dynamite.

Desmond. Island Desmond has turned a little creepy, hasn't he? All calm and stoic and sure of himself. His face when he was tied to the tree, just kind of peaceful and pensive like he wasn't tied to a freaking tree was great. But even better? The bald-faced lie that was the "You're John Locke" identification in Smocke's face. Locke knew Desmond was lying. Desmond knew that Locke knew that Desmond was lying. But Locke knew that Desmond knew that Locke knew Desmond was lying. And that's what made the scene awesome. Those are some brass balls on Desmond.

Of course, those brass balls earn him a walk in the jungle. And then Des goes and gets himself thrown in a well.

Sting and citizens of Springfield, take it away:



Than you, guys. We're sending our love down that well indeed.

But Sideways Desmond? Running over a paraplegic? Damnnnn. It ain't Keamy shooting Alex, but Desmond annihilating the wheelchair-bound and soon-to-be-wed Locke with his car is up there in brutal Lost moments. I know Desmond is trying to show the Oceanics that their life is an illusion, and he has to somehow impact them in some way, but do we have to take that literally? Couldn't he have shown Locke a hatch door or something? Jesus.

Locke. Smocke gets the surprise of his life when Sayid (who is overplaying the I'm-dead-inside role, if such a thing is possible) delivers him a Desmond, all wrapped up in a tree. Did anyone catch the body language? Smocke tilting his head quizzically, like a dog who just saw a new dog walk into his yard? There is so much he does not understand.

So they take a walk. But, folks, if you learned nothing else from The Sopranos, take away this: you never respond to invitations to go take a walk in the woods. Ever. Or this happens.

So Smocke takes Desmond out to get whacked and is again unnerved. Not only does Peter Pan show up again with a mocking smile, but Smocke also plays American Psycho and casts Desmond in the role of a drifter -- alone in the woods and nobody, nobody, knows you're here. And yet you're not scared? Why? I don't understand.

It doesn't matter. Des gets chucked in the well and is obviously not dead. Even before we watched the previews we all knew he was not dead. Smocke must know that, right? He cannot possibly be so obtuse as to not know that. So why did Smocke just kind of leave him there? Does he need Desmond alive but trapped? Is the electromagnetism supposed to slowly kill Desmond?

Sawyer. For the past few episodes, all Sawyer has done is wait for Smocke to come back, ask him "Where have you been?" and make a sarcastic comment. I hereby petition the writers to treat his character properly and drop this "unhappy housewife" shtick. I mean, what is he? Sun?

Also, we got one "sonofabitch," so that's one drink.

Jack. It's mind-blowing that, in a Hurley episode, Jack got the best line. "Maybe she died to show us to stay the hell away from dynamite." Dude! We haven't seen you since Season 1! Welcome back!

And Jack's hot streak continues when he has that heart-to-heart with Hurley about how he got Juliet killed (boooo) and it bummed him out and he wants to fix it and he knows he can't but it kills him to sit back and do nothing but that is what he must do.

Jack Shephard has seen the light! Can we say hallelujah?

My bet is it won't last and Jack will do something reckless like throw Jacob's Magical Ashes into the ocean. But -- for once -- Jack didn't do something stupid in one episode. Amazing. Perhaps the biggest shocker of the episode.

Sun. You know how, with the exception of her centric episode, the writers have clearly ignored the hell out of Sun (just like pre-crash Jin!) and been loathe to give her even one line of dialogue? I'm starting to think the aphasia storyline is a real handy plot device.

Actress: Yo, could I get some more lines?
Writer: Actually, no. Your character forgets how to speak. So all you get to do is write things on a pad. It's a HUGELY important plot device
Actress: Is it really important?
Writer: Yeah, sure.
Actress: Do I get to write more than one line per episode?
Writer: Well...
Actress: I quit.

Linus. "The Island was done with her ... what's going to happen when the Island is done with us?" Mr. Chuckles, everybody!

To recap. Ilana? Exploded. The Black Rock? Exploded. Sideways (real?) Locke? Run over and kind of exploded too. Desmond? Stuck in a well. Pretty much every major character? In a Mexican stand-off.

And take it from me. Only good can come out of a Mexican stand-off. Trust me. I know.