Welcome Back to the Circus

Last week, I said we had to be patient with Lost. If the last couple of episodes have been a little light on the action, it's because the writers were setting things up and putting them in motion. If this was a chessboard, tonight's terrific episode was when the smoke monster got angry and swiped the pieces off the board. Pretty much everyone is in the same place now. As Judge Mills Lane said, Let's get it on!

Sayid. I have to hand it to Naveen Andrews. Sayid episodes aren't usually my favorite episodes, partly because Sayid lacks any hint of a sense of humor. (Anyone else finding Jin in a refrigerator would have made a leftover Korean food joke). His episodes are usually exercises in intense brooding, broken up only by the occasional golf club execution. Moreover, if your Lost drinking game included a "Drink whenever an allusion to torture is made" rule, we'd all be dead by the first commercial break.

I'm going to ignore the whole sideways story, because -- frankly -- it really sucked. A couple of weeks ago, I made fun of Kate because her episodes were soap operas. Well, in today's story, Sayid really wants Nadia but can't have her because she is married to his brother, who in turn is in debt and has to call Dial-a-Torturer to get out of trouble. This almost looked like a Desperate Housewives parody of Lost. What would happen if we put Sayid on Wisteria Lane?

One more note about the Sideways Sayid. When the kids went, "Mommy! Uncle Sayid has a picture of you in his bag!" how many of you thought it was a naked picture? Anyone? Anyone? Just me? Fine, I have problems.

And with all of that out of the way, Naveen Andrews really brought it this episode. The Sayid-centric storyline on the Island was tremendous stuff. At this point, you can really buy Sayid as someone with nothing else to lose, given in to nihilism and destruction. The scene where Linus comes to rescue Sayid, saying, "There's still time," and Sayid smiles in a sad, defeated, almost bemused way and says, "Not for me" was a perfect example of this. Just chilling.

Plus, we had the awesome ninja fight between Sayid and Dogen, going all Crouching Tiger and Hidden Dragon on each other. Every time you thought the fight was over, BOOM. MORE NINJA. Most of the fights on the show are the drunken barroom haymaker variety. This one? Pure karate. Splinter would be proud.

Sayid got turned around every which way this episode. First he is lured into a ninja fight. Then he is banished. Then he is given the Sword of a Thousand Truths and told to go kill Smokey. So he goes and tries and stabs Locke. Fail. Now he has to return to the temple and tell them they'll all be killed. And then he drowns Dogen in the Lazarus Pit and goes all Mark David Chapman and kills Lennon.

Yes, the incoherence in Sayid's actions this week was worthy of Jack. But here it made sense. Why? Because Sayid has joined the dark side, and it makes total effing sense. He has nothing else going for him except for a dubious promise made by a fellow who can't bleed. Kill a samurai, then? Sure, why not.

Dogen. And so we bid farewell to the Pirate Mr. Miyagi. Many people question the wisdom of introducing new characters so late in the series, when all we want to do is watch the characters we already know shoot each other. I'd disagree. Dogen was worth it, if only for the awesome ninja fight scene between him and Sayid.

Plus, even in death we learned something new about him. It's OK to throw his plants. But it's not OK to throw his baseball.

And I'm not entirely sure we're done with him. Something about killing someone in a Lazarus Pit seems off to me. Perhaps it works the same paradoxical magic where people come back to life in their graves in zombie movies. Wouldn't it be ironic if Dogen turned out to be the zombie?

Locke. Something wicked this way comes. The Locke-ness monster was clearly marked as the incarnation of evil by everyone on the temple, but we have to take them with a grain of salt. They are the opponents. They are supposed to say things like that. As a member of the Prosecutor Program for the criminal clinic, I myself frequently refer to the public defenders representing the homeless, impoverished, and destitute as "the incarnations of darkness and evil." They are the adversaries, and to them we must bring war.

That said, it certainly does make sense to brand Smokey as the force of evil. Who do we know always promises what your heart most desires? Why, our friend Lucifer, of course. That whole scene where Locke promised Sayid that he could have Nadia back reeked of Jesus being tempted in the desert. And, unlike with history's favorite Jew, this time the whole spiel worked.

Speaking of spiels, did anyone else get flashbacks to Jim Jones and to the folks who killed themselves upon the arrival of the Hale-Bopp comet when Locke cautioned the Anothers to join him before sundown? Don't drink the Gatorade! It's made out of people! Peeeeople!

I don't know what was more badass. Locke getting stabbed in the gut and saying, "Now why would you go and do that?" HOLY JEBUS. Or the Smoke Monster going all shock and awe and tearing apart the temple like it was a stroll in the park where you salt the earth and set the joggers on fire.

And, to paraphrase the immortal words of McBain, "My eyes! Ze ashes do Nothing!"

Claire. Firmly entrenched in Team Smokey, Claire was the first one sent into the temple, presumably as a pawn. She then got tossed in the hole, which, for the first time in the history of Hollywood, was an actual hole. Somewhere, Andy Dufresne smiled.

And then we got treated to Claire sitting in the hole, holding her knees, singing a lullabye, waiting for her friend to come. Just in case you missed it, Claire is crazy.

Also, when she told Dogen to "Speak English," I totally had a John Rocker flashback.

Kate. I always thought Sawyer had the best death stare on the show. But the look Kate got when she told Claire that she had raised Aaron was absolutely withering. Imagine Obama's "shut the f#$% up, Biden" stare, and then multiply that by ten. Thousand.

Also, maybe it's me, but there has to be a better way of telling someone that you took their baby than by saying "I took your baby." Why not, "Your baby's safe on the mainland with your mother, Claire, and far away from a hydrogen bomb, a monster made of smoke, and Jack Shepherd." No, instead they tell crazy, "I took your baby and raised him." That's baby-snatcher talk. Kate's getting an axe in the ribs.

And was it just me, or did that guard totally molest Kate when he yanked her away from Claire? Seriously, go back and look at it again. The guard slips his arms under Kate's armpits, brazenly grabs her boobs, and pulls her up. Drunk people trying to cop a feel are more subtle. I guarantee you dude got slapped when the cameras stopped rolling.

And it seems Kate has kind of joined Smokey's team, seemingly by default. Seriously, she's only with them because she pulled the "I seem to have lost my friends in the crowd leaving the concert, so I guess I'll just walk with these people until I see someone I know again" move.

That's my take on Kate's motivation for joining Team Smokey. As for Smokey's motivation for recruiting Kate? I suspect she's Claire's reward for doing whatever she did at the temple. As always, I eagerly await Kate and Claire's fight to the death. In the mud.

Keamy. Hey look! It's Keamy! And now he's dead. Thanks for playing.

Miles. Our buddy the ghost whisperer finally had more than two lines in the episode. Granted, it was only three or four, but we all have to start somewhere. Plus, they were winning lines -- "Welcome back to the Circus" could have been a great episode title. I must, however, quibble with his description of Claire: "Acting all weird. Still hot, though." The first part is the understatement of the century. The second part? Sure, Woodstock '69 Claire is hot, but if I was looking to hit that, I'd do my best to have our first location be the shower.

Also, Miles's question of Kate, "Sawyer sent you packing, huh?" is now going to replace "Re-JECTED" as the making-fun-of-your buddy-who-just-struck-out-at-the-bar line. I'm amazed Kate didn't snap his neck after that question. Oof.

Misc. I guess Jake ain't done staring at the ocean. And where the hell is Sawyer? On a positive note, I guess we might get a Ben episode next week, which is terrific. I really want to see what makes him send kids to detention in his European History class.