Live Together, Die Together

I don't even know where to begin for this one. I guess I'll do it the old-fashioned way, providing random commentary about Jack and Locke and company and then present my unified theory of everything at the end. So, without further ado:

Desmond. Long the most objectified character on Lost (see, the Constant, the Package, etc.), the great Scot once again pulled a reverse anthropomorphication and became the Weapon.

Remember when Widmore said that Desmond would have to make a great sacrifice in order to save the Island and everybody else? I assume that this means that Desmond was supposed to go spelunking, take out the plug, render the Smoke Monster human, wait for someone else to kill Smocke, get the all-clear, put the plug back in, and then die.

Of course, Jack basically did this for him. For some reason, despite Desmond being extra special and resistant to electromagnetism, he just couldn't hack it and Jack, displaying his new Jacob powers, had to pinch hit. I'm not sure why Desmond unable to perform -- I guess he thought electromagnetism would save him from the hot tub time machine. But all he could do was pass out and have Jack pull a Harry Stamper tossing Ben Affleck off the meteorite.

On the other hand, Sideways Desmond continued his reign as that world's resident Superman, bringing everyone together in an effort to reanimate them.

And that meant receiving Christian Shephard's coffin. No wonder airlines lose so much luggage. Hey, who does this box that says "HUMAN REMAINS" belong to? "Me, brotha!" Oh, OK. Here you go. Nah, I don't need to see ID. You're wearing a suit. Enjoy!

Claire. So Claire didn't want to leave the Island because she didn't want her son to think she was crazy?

Claire bear, you new mother, I got news for you. He will always think you're crazy, even without the squirrel baby. Sorry.

But I have to say, that part where she had the new Aaron and she and Charlie got re-activated and became a family again? Tremendous stuff. I was surprised by how emotional that scene turned out to be, if only because Charlie was being such a sodding wanker. But he sure sobered up quickly, didn't he? I guess becoming an instant stepfather will do that to you.

Also, the sign on the passed out Charlie reading, "Bass Player. Wake me up for the show." Brilliant.

Ben. Perhaps the most inexplicable part of this episode was when a tree fell on Ben, snapping him in half, and everybody was standing around like, how the eff are we going to get him out? And then we cut to another scene and there's Ben Linus running around like nothing happened? Huh? Did I black out? My assumption is the writers couldn't fit everything into a 2.5 hour finale, and something had to go. Sorry, Ben's miraculous escape from under a two-ton tree. Maybe in the DVD.

On the other hand, everyone who suspected Ben had been un-redeemed feels pretty stupid now, huh? The moment he was revealed to be in cahoots with Miles was a nice surprise, but it pales in his heroic attempt to push Hurley (again, push Hurley) out of the way of the falling tree. Killing off Hugo might have been the show's cruelest twist ever, but that did not happen, thanks to Ben.

And then, off in the Sideways world, Ben was reactivated? How? Where did we miss that?

Poor Benjamin Linus, getting the short end of the narrative stick.

Jin and Sun. OK. So when people regain their memories and become reactivated, some little bird also whispers in their ear that they have to smirk at those who have not yet been reactivated, and act all smug and knowing. Right?

Here's when it worked -- when Hurley saw Charlie. When it didn't work was with the Kwons confusing the crap out of Sawyer. Yes, you're happy to see your buddy again, and I guess it's ironic that he's a cop. But do you really have to hit him with an ominous "I'll see you later?"

Juliet. DID YOU SEE HER IN THAT DRESS? Holy Cannoli. Jack, you may have performed a stunningly selfless act of self-sacrifice, but it is your fault that we didn't get to see Juliet for a whole season, and for that I will never forgive you. Damn you, Jack. Damn you.

That said, her reunion with Sawyer was all kinds of awesome. By this point, we all knew that Jack's ex-wife had to be Juliet and that she would run into Sawyer and they would hook up at the concert. Instead, they hooked up in hospital waiting room.

And I have to admit, that scene kind of wrecked me a little bit a lot it's really hard to pretend not to cry in front of other people, OK? Now let's all move on before I lose it again.

Sawyer. OK, so my prediction that Sawyer was going to be all kinds of awesome to redeem himself did not quite pan out. If anything, my complaint is that he did not have enough to do on the Island. Besides hitting Ben in the face (Drink!), he kind of just stood there while everything happened around him.

But props to him for volunteering to help clean Kate's chest injury. Well played there.

While I would have loved for Sawyer to get one final chance to redeem himself, and would have loved to see him do more during this episode, I guess we'll have to do with him being sufficiently chastened and sobered up by Jack's commanding way of taking the self-sacrifice role. That "Thank you for everything, doc" moment was a far cry removed from Season 1 Sawyer, and even from the beginning of this last season when all he wanted to do was beat the doctor to death. Burying the hatchet was a good way to go, and if the writers could not fully redeem Sawyer, at least they gave him an effective moment of self-understanding to close out his arc.

On the other hand, they did grant him a resolution, didn't they? If my great unifying theory is right, then Sawyer got to move on to the great beyond with Juliet, and bringing them back together was the natural and terrific conclusion for both those characters. Good for them.

Kate. At the risk of repeating myself, DID YOU SEE HER IN THAT DRESS? Holy Cannoli. Bravo, Sideways Desmond, you skeeze. Bravo indeed.

So I guess I just revealed my weakness. Hot women in black dresses. If any ladies out there would like to exploit that weakness, I'd have no problem with that.

Oh, and everybody who had Kate in the "Who Gets to Kill Smokey" poll, raise their hands. That was like the Kansas City Royals winning the World Series. Seriously, if you took that prop bet, congrats. You are a rich, rich man.

While I think that Kate lost the "emotional center of the show" role to Hurley a long time ago, I do have to say that she became a lot less annoying as the season progressed. All she wanted to do was make sure everyone was safe. The rekindling of Jack-Kate felt a little forced, but Kate really sold me on their goodbye scene. I'm glad they brought this character back from the brink. She served the show well.

And I have to say, I am left with no other choice but to conclude that Claire and Kate were going to be together when the Ajira plane landed in Guam. And that makes me very happy indeed.

Sayid. Wow. Sayid's version of heaven is Shannon? Poor bastard can't catch a break, can he?

Was anyone else bothered by this? Wasn't Nadia his soulmate? I know she's married to his brother, which is kind of an issue. But Shannon? Really?

OK. Here's my guess as to why Shannon.

Everyone got re-activated when they saw something they loved, right? Something that meant something to them on the Island. Whether it was Charlie meeting Claire, Locke being able to walk, or Sawyer and Juliet holding hands, it is something with deep emotional significance to which the castaways would be attached. And it was easy to pick out what moment would serve that purpose for each and every character.

Except for Sayid.

Seriously, the poor bastard had nothing going for him on the Island. He was the go-to guy, the most resourceful character on the Island, yet I am wracking my brain and trying to find something on the Island that made Sayid happy, and am coming up with nothing. Except for Shannon.

Remember a few recaps ago, when I said that Sayid smiling or laughing should be a SHOT rule for the drinking game, 'cause we never saw it? It's because there was nothing for him to smile about. So when the writers came to this episode and were trying to figure out how to reactivate Sayid, they drew a blank. Then they sighed, and said grudgingly, I guess it has to be Shannon. And that was that.

Alpert. So the only reason Alpert didn't die last week is so they could show us that he was indeed aging and was going to have to join the Hair Club for Men?

Of course, his immediate thought upon coming back to it was that they have to blow up the plane. Didn't you get the memo, Richard? You're about four episodes too late to the party.

I guess there's a certain irony to Richard being one of the few who got off the Island, but I still think his character and the show would have been better served with Smokey killing him last week. It would have been a more fitting end than having him fly off on the plane.

Lapidus. Also not dead. Funny how Alpert found him. These quasi-deads tend to run into each other, huh?

And why did he keep tossing the radio away like a baby who just wants to make his tortured parents go pick up the rattle?

I guess this might be as good a time as any to mention that I really enjoyed the Target commercials. The smoke detectors for the Smoke Monster? Brilliant. You sold out, but at least it was funny.

Miles. Dude, if my airline ever fixes a problem with duct tape, they are getting hit with a lawsuit so quickly, they'd wished the plane had crashed. Also, way to pull that soldering torch out of your utility bat-belt behind.

Faraday. I guess it's nice that it was his piano concert where everyone was set to reunite. Yanni Faraday Live at the Acropolis. Kind of has a nice ring to it.

(By the way, can I give a shout-out to the composer, Michael Giacchino? The music on this episode was tremendous).

Also, way to once again hit on Charlotte -- who, it bears repeating, cleans up amazingly -- rocking the skinniest tie in the history of skinny ties. Good for him for keeping it one notch short of a bolo tie. It might work for Ken Salazar, but I don't imagine it would work for Twitchy.

Hurley. Dude, stop playing with my emotions. The stupid, thrilled grin on Hurley's face when he sees Charlie was amazing. And his bear hugs at the Church reunion were awesome.

BUT STOP CRYING, GODDAMNIT. Nothing breaks your heart like Hurley crying. Nothing. So stop. Please. I beg you.

Remember last episode, when Hurley said that he was glad he wasn't the protector? Now what lesson did we learn today? That's right! Never count your chickens before you go down the hatch. Or something like that.

And now he's the protector, which kind of sounds like the worst job in America. Kudos to Jorge Garcia for playing the anointment scenes with the terrified reaction everyone in the world would have. This guy never gets noticed among the other flashier actors like Terry O'Quinn and Michael Emerson, but Hurley absolutely killed it this season. Props.

Oh, and Hurley made Ben Linus Assistant to the Regional Manager, which is nice. I'm sure those two had a lot of fun together, eating Apollo bars.

Locke. Well, let's dispense with Smokey first. Tossing Desmond into the hot tub time machine seemed to be working out for him, as the Island began to shudder and shake and break apart. I don't know if becoming mortal was part of his plan -- when he realized that he was made to bleed his own blood, he really should have made sure Jack was dead so that he could finally escape the Island.

Instead, we got an epic Jack-Locke fight, where the flying punch beats knife every time. Maybe Jack got confused and thought they were playing rock-paper-scissors. I bet you one of the alternate endings is Smocke opening his hand to show his palm and winning. But he did not, and finally, the Smoke Monster lay busted on the rocks

On the other hand, it was nice to see John Locke -- the real one -- again. I would call it a resurrection, but it wasn't really, not if everyone's dead. Think of it as all Lockes go to heaven. But it was nice to spend one more hour with everyone's favorite character.

Also, it's nice to see that a massive spinal reconstruction qualifies as an outpatient procedure these days. Technology is amazing!

If I'm following the sideways timeline correctly, Locke walked into Jack's office shortly after breakfast, found himself in pre-op right after lunch (one hopes he found time to call Helen Bundy and give her a heads-up), was operated on, regained full use of his lower extremities, and left the hospital to join the carnival to heaven all on the same day.

So let's take a moment to thank Obama for fixing health care. On behalf of John Locke, Namaste.

Jack. In the end, this was a show about Jack. Even though he seemed to lose relevance in the last couple of seasons (his character seemed like it had run its course), this whole thing was about Jack finding himself so he could sacrifice his life in a very unsubtle Christ-like way so that his friends could be saved.

Look, I've given Jack a lot of grief over the course of the show, and I maintain that most of it is deserved. But all of the failings, all of the senseless actions, all of the mistakes which resulted in the death of so many people were necessary so that Jack could make those mistakes and grow and eventually become mature enough and responsible enough to attain his ultimate purpose. Without learning from his many shortcomings, Jack could not have gotten to the point where he needed to make the sacrifice that the Island demanded, so that he could save his friends and save the world. And you have to respect that.

So, in the immortal words of Harry Dunne:

"Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself! "

Also, major major props for the "You disrespect his memory by wearing his face" put-down of Smocke, who was toying with Locke's memories. That might have been the best fuck you on the entire run of the show. Well done.

And all of this so that Sideways Jack could remember and be made whole. No matter how many times he was pushed, he couldn't take that final step. Like when Kate awkwardly tries to pick up Jack after the reception. Though I have to admit, if a woman who looked like that came at me at a party out of nowhere, and started flirting and being all coy, I would follow her anywhere she wanted me to go. And then I'd be out either a kidney or $200. But seriously, how do you say no to that dress?

And where does she want to go? The after-party! Now, I've never had an after-party at a church, but Jesus turned the water into wine, so what the hell.

I have more thoughts on the church scene below, but I liked how this, fittingly, all ended with Jack in a bamboo patch. Except he's dying. And in the place where he once woke up, today, with a final closing of his eye, we're done.

My grand unifying theory. OK. Here's what I think happened. I think the Sideways world was heaven/quasi-heaven/purgatory. It was this place that all the castaways created based on their deepest desires. Yes, I know that Shannon was there. But it reflected, more or less, what would be a happy ending for everybody.

And since it was this kind of heaven, the only way to get there was by dying. And no matter when all the castaways died, they all ended up there, every single one of them. I believe that the Ajira plane made it off without incident and that Sawyer, Kate, Miles, and all the people on that plane got to go and live their lives. And when they died, whenever that was, they came back to the Sideways universe, to rejoin that universe and make it whole.

And that's why people needed to remember so they could be made whole and move on. That's why everyone was so happy even after they remembered that they kind of drowned and died. Because, somehow, regaining their memories of their past lives was necessary to make them whole. Without being made whole, they could not move on, and that's why it was necessary for them to become "reactivated" and remember just why they were there in the first place.

And once everyone was completely aware of everything, they could move on. They could move on to heaven or to a more perfect world. That's why Eloise Hawking got so sad when Desmond said he and everyone else were moving on and asked if he was taking her boy. Because they had to go on, and get the world they always dreamed of and wanted. Sawyer and Juliet. Desmond and Penny. Claire and Charlie and Aaron as the new family. It's everyone's idea of heaven and all it needed was that last push.

I know some people are thinking that maybe they all died in the original crash, and it was all a dream, all because they saw the shots panning across the beach with the Oceanic wreckage. I think they're wrong. I don't think for one minute that the footage of the wreck was anything but a nice parting shot, something to be played as the credits rolled. I think the story ended fittingly, with Jack closing his eye, and the series coming full circle.

My take. Look, I understand why some people are annoyed with this episode. It became very religious, it ended in a very ambiguous way with a lot of confusing exposition, and the way some could interpret that ending could be seen as a cop-out. If you believe that they have all been dead, and that nothing mattered, I can see why you'd hate it.

But I believe that interpretation is wrong, and have offered up my own. I don't think the end was a cop-out, I think it was the opposite. Although you could sneer and say that it ended with everyone on a Magic Church Bus to Heaven, it didn't.

If you believe, like me, that the Island world did happen and that everyone was waiting in limbo/Sideways world for everyone to die and regain their memories of how they got there so they could move on, then everything mattered.

The island world mattered because it got them all to that point. That's why the deaths have such resonance. Locke did get strangled to death by Ben in a dusty motel room. Juliet died. Jack died. All these people did die, and they have resonance because they happened. They had to sit there in limbo and wait until everyone passed so they could all be whole and together again.

And the sideways world mattered because it gave everyone closure. It closed the arcs for all of the characters in a satisfying way, and tied up almost all of the loose threads as they relate to the characters, which is basically the main reason we watch the show.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. We don't watch this show because we want to see what happened when a bunch of people get transported back in time to a hippie commune. No, we watch it because we care about what happens to these characters. We want to know what happens to Hurley and Jack and Sawyer.

And the finale delivered that in spades. Everyone got their happy ending. The finale resolved the thing we care the most about -- the characters -- in very satisfying ways.

Sawyer reuniting with Juliet as she sobs in his arms. Locke, amazed and grateful to the point of tears, telling Jack that he hopes someone will do for Jack the same thing that Jack did for Locke. Linus begging for forgiveness and getting it from a Locke who stands up and walks.

Moments like that are the reason we watch this show. If scenes like that didn't do it for you, then I don't know what else to tell you. For me, watching those and other scenes in a way that closed the book on these characters I've been watching for over 120 hours was a deeply satisfying and very emotional way to close out the show.

I have to think some more about what it all means -- I still have to fully digest it -- but I'm very happy I jumped on the Lost train. And I really like where it dropped me off. Well done.