An Open Letter to Many Boston-Area Bars

Dear Bartender,

If you are receiving this letter, it means that two facts co-exist.

Fact Number One: I enjoy frequenting your bar. I find it an agreeable place to pass the time. I am proud to call myself a patron of your bar and do hereby pledge to return to you periodically.

Fact Number Two: A distressing flaw haunts your establishment.

Contrary to what you may think, Fact Number One and Fact Number Two can simultaneously be true. Fact Number Two is not fatal to Fact Number One, but the former adheres to the latter like a barnacle, weighing it down the way that an awful girlfriend sort of makes you want to stop calling what is otherwise a very affable friend.

In short, my enjoyment of all things mentioned in Fact Number One is diminished by the existence of Fact Number Two.

Luckily for us, this is something that can be fixed.

Fact Number Two refers to your bar's inexplicable failure to purchase rocks glasses, also known as low-ball glasses, and doing business as old fashioned glasses.

This is a rather vexing oversight, as it forces Scotch drinkers like myself to consume our beverage of choice out of either shot glasses (bad) or high ball glasses (worse).

As Scotch is a sipping drink, you can see why these instruments are inappropriate for the present task. High ball glasses are inadequate for sipping and also cumbersome. Think of it as wearing a baggy wool sweater on a hot summer day.

And, although less reprehensible, the remaining disjunct is also less than ideal. Yes, it is easier to sip from a shot glass. But then you are left sipping out of a shot glass, which is as undignified and offputting as it sounds. The sight of a 200 pound man sipping daintily out of a shot glass is, I confess, rather pathetic, and avoiding it is in the best interest of all involved parties.

If you look at the bar behind you, you will notice dozens of bottles of Scotch. Forgive me if I sound condescending, but you must know how important an adequate vessel is. Would you pour shots of tequila into a Martini glass? Serve Cosmos in a shot glass? Put Irish Car Bombs in a cereal bowl?

Of course you would not. If you are going to be selling certain drinks, then it is only logical that you would pair them with the appropriate glassware.

And while the potential for breakage certainly exists, that is true of everything in your possession, and such is the cost of doing business.

So please, stock up on rocks glasses. Nobody loses here. Your patrons will thank you. I will thank you. And, most importantly, God Himself will thank you.

Cordially,
A Concerned Customer