The Brady Bill

The internet often giveth. But sometimes, just to be fair, it also taketh away.

This was making the rounds this afternoon.

In case you did not click through, it takes you to a video of Tom Brady, who is "dancing" at the Carnaval in Rio while sporting a rather unfortunate ponytail.

I stared at this in the same way someone would when he comes upon a once proud oak that was just struck by lightning. And then I checked out for a few minutes while the demons inside my head had themselves a debate.

Jack Daniel: It's a ponytail. On a man.
Tom Collins: I see that.
JD: And it's not just any man. It's the most important man in Boston.
TC: That is true.
JD: A ponytail.
TC: It's not that bad.
JD: Are you kidding? It's terrible. Ponytails are for women and old hippies in Portland.
TC: Some men can pull off a ponytail.
JD: Maybe Willie Nelson. But let's be honest here. Brady kind of looks like Mia Hamm with muscles.
TC: Look. He's Tom Brady. He has won three Super Bowls, two MVPs, and gets to [censored] this every night. If the man wants to go with a rat tail, he's earned it.
JD: (Grumble) I guess.
TC: And give him a break. He's happy. He's dancing. He's trying to soak in a little of his wife's culture. We should be praising him, not making fun of his very unfortunate hair do.
JD: But it's a ponytail! Every instinct in my body is telling me to make fun of it.
TC: Tom Brady could beat the living crap out of you without breaking a sweat.
JD: But he looks like a soccer mom on a 6 am run to the grocery store who is hoping that she doesn't run into someone she knows.
TC: I'm warning you.
JD: He looks like Sally Draper!
TC: Ok, fine. I'm forced to draw the trump card.
JD: Yes?
TC: Again. This.
JD: Touche, sir. Very well played.

TC: And at least it's not pigtails.

JD: Indeed.