The Skittlebrau Principle

Last week I mentioned something called the Skittlebrau Principle and a handful of people have asked what in the world I was talking about.

Back in the Clinton '90s, a much-loved and now cancelled show called The Simpsons was taking the world by storm. The star of the show was Homer Simpson, generally considered less than smart, but often respected for his ability to create new food and drink items (See Moe, Flaming).

In one episode, he had this exchange:

Homer: I'm feelin' low, Apu. You got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?"
Apu: Such a product does not exist, sir! You must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well then just gimme a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

Thus, the Skittlebrau Principle was born.

The technical definition is simple: Any food or drink that is not currently offered in the market but can nevertheless be created by combining or removing existing ingredients is therefore deemed to exist due to the Skittlebrau Principle.

e.g. Skittlebrau is not currently in production? Imitate Homer and pour a bag of skittles into a six-pack. Chug. The Skinwich is a hoax? Buy a bucket of fried chicken and a grilled chicken sandwich (because it is cheap). Then throw away the awful, bland grilled chicken breast, take the skin off all of the fried chicken, put the skin in the Sandwich, and voila! A tasty, horrifying Skinwich.

In time, food that once existed only because of the Skittlebrau Principle graduated to mass production. This is the principle that animates Fried Mars Bars, Fried Snickers, and Fried Moon Pies. It applies to anything that is wrapped in bacon, including sausages, corn dogs, and that kosher delight, bacon-wrapped shrimp. And where do you think ice cream cake came from?

It doesn't stop with food -- Skittle vodka, bacon-infused whiskey, and those crazy drinks with an egg in them all owe their existence to the Skittlebrau Principle.

Although it doesn't always work (the horror that is Baconnaise comes to mind) it really is a wonderful little theory.

Why? Because this Pizza Burger is fawesome (effing + awesome).